I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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