Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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