i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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