so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
