My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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