Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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