i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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