i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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