if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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