I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
