Got a toothbrush?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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