You don't have asthma, your pregnant
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
