when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
