If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Randomize
