i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
as a side note pls kill me
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
