So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
