those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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