Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize