My balls are so social today.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
