We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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