I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
