Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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