At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
