We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i came on her dog
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
