i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
