she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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