found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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