For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
