She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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