Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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