I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize