9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize