Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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