CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
