ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
