im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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