So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
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