Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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