Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
