Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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