I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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