Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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