you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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