no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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