i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize