Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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