They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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