White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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