somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
