what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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