i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
