I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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