I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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