I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
