There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
