Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Don't EVER smell your tampon
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize