so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
