I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
