he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
