We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
