I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
