he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Small penises have feelings too.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
