He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your penis caused this!
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