i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
