You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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