Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I could fuck to npr.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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