So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
