Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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