nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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