The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize